White Flag

On Friday, April 25th 2014, I had the pleasure of attending the Outstretched Hands of Romania Quarterly Prayer Meeting at the Open Door Church in Chiselet.  There was about 250+ people in attendance and the presence of God was astounding.  The format for this prayer meeting was similar to that of CrossPointe Community Church's monthly "Breakthrough", which is something I've really been missing since arriving here in Romania.   

To get the full picture to how epically amazing this night was for me, lets rewind to a couple weeks ago: 
Due to a law change since arriving, I now need to get a VISA.  This requires a lot of paperwork that I did not bring with me {shout out to my incredible mother & father for all their help searching for said papers & CrossPointe for coming through with certificate help at a last minute request} and an additional $425 that I did not anticipate, therefore did not fund-raise for all in a very short time frame...Monday, April 28th... 
{Side note: after reading my blog if you feel the Lord encouraging you to donate, you can Click Here}
So if you take the newly added stress I was feeling with the pressure of the VISA issue and add that to my prior health struggles since arriving here, plus grieving the unexpected loss of my Uncle - you could say I was on the verge of a freak-out.  

Fast-forward to Friday morning:  We had our weekly Outstretched Hands meeting.  They had some team members share how things where going for them both in the ministry and in their personal lives...They had me share.  I expressed how much I'm enjoying the Hope Center and helping Amber {one of my roommates} with the young girls in Chiselet & Roseti.  I also vaguely spoke about my health struggles and the loss of my Uncle.   
That afternoon, I worked with Carmen {my other roommate} on a resume type document for my VISA.  One of the categories was skills and I was struggling with what to put other than photography.  I had her put down writing.  This was a bit of a stretch...I do enjoy to write, but I wouldn't necessarily call it a skill.  I didn't really think anything of it until later that night...

My night started with Brad {founder & director of Outstretched Hands} saying to me he felt the Lord wanted me to write about this meeting.  Hmm.  Coincidence...more like a divine appointment!  I chuckled and explained how I just said writing was one of my "skills" early that day.  
During the prayer meeting, someone spoke on forgiveness.  Now, I've heard thousands {okay..maybe hundreds is more realistic} of messages on forgiveness before, but something "clicked" for me this time.  "Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land."  2 Chronicles 7:14    
I cannot be forgiven until I fully forgive.  Again, I've heard these words before, but for the first time from the depths of my soul, I started to feel the meaning.  My mind understood this for quite some time and now my heart began to truly comprehend.  I began to pray a prayer of forgiveness and the words just poured out.  I had an overwhelming sense of closeness to Jesus that I haven't had for a while and have been longing for.  

I could have ended my night at that moment and would have been completely fulfilled.  The Lord wasn't finished with me yet {really when I think about it, He's never finished with me}.  Towards the end of the meeting they had some of the leaders go up front and had anyone who needed healing come forward to be prayed over.  I felt like I should have gone up, but saw how many people other than me needed prayer so I decided to stay back.  I asked Carmen if she would pray for me about my joints, especially in my right hand.  As she was praying she removed one of her hands from my hand and placed it on the back of my head.  I wasn't sure why, as she was praying in Romanian and I couldn't understand her {still praying I have a breakthrough with the language...} but didn't really think anything of it.  Right before the meeting ended, Brad had church leaders and members of Outstretched Hands come forward so we could be prayed over.  The Pastor in Chiselet's mom, Oaia came and stood next to me.  We've never really spoken before, just "Buna Ziua" {Hello, Good Day in Romanian} but we put our arms around each other, smiled and just began to pray.  Here's where my mind was blown, so to speak...

When the meeting had finished, Carmen explained to me why she placed her hand on my head.  She said that as she was praying she felt the Lord bring forward the thought that I continue to let the devil convince me I'm not healed.  She explained what she prayed for me and reminded me that I have authority over the enemy and not to believe the lie that I'm not healed.  After our conversation, Oaia came up and said God had given her a word for me.  She said that as we were standing next to each other praying, she saw me standing in a room by myself asking the Lord for a specific list of things.  I was asking for these things and the Lord was giving them to me, but something the devil was doing was stopping me from taking them.  She said she also saw me getting beaten down, but could see how much of a fighter I am and the bright light that I have {her words not mine...I still struggle with seeing myself that way, but I'm a work in progress}.  After she spoke of what she saw, she began to get emotional as she expressed how grateful she is that I'm in Romania and for the heart that I have and the love that I give to those around me.  I was so humbled by her words.  A person I've only said hello to in passing was shedding tears for how thankful she was for my presence in Romania.  

Now normally I would feel a tad defeated and disappointed in myself after hearing the words the Lord gave me through Carmen and Oaia, but here's the beauty in all of this:  Surrender.  God simply wants me to surrender.  The type of surrender that says "Here I am, Lord!  Take all of me...even the brokenness because I'm worthy".  
I have such a longing to be made complete through Christ Jesus, yet I hold back because there's that small part of me that says "I'm not worthy" - A small part that says "you shouldn't go forward and ask for prayer because other people have needs far greater than yours..."
So here I am, waving my white flag for all to see.

Lord, I surrender.  I am giving you my fears and insecurities because I am worthy.  I am worthy of Your healing.  I am worthy of Your promises.  I am worthy of Your gifts.  I am worthy of Your grace.  I am worthy of Your love.  I thankfully receive each of them.  I know that You will provide for all my needs and knowing that You called me here to further Your Kingdom, I know I am financially stable as I put all my trust in You.  Forgive me for previously not fully trusting You in this and believing the lie that my needs aren't worth Your time.  Heavenly Father, I also ask that You would soften my heart to receive the kind words spoken to me and that I would see myself as You see me.  I am declaring publicly my full surrender and by the blood of Your Son, my Savior, Jesus Christ - I am healed!  I pray all of this in Your Holy and Precious name.  Amen.

Thank you for taking the time to read this!  If you haven't yet taken the time to Surrender, you should.  It's worth it...I promise! Be Blessed! :)

xoxo,
Becky
 

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